Tuesday, March 26, 2013

You know you’re an A-Freak when,

You know you’re an A-Freak when,

·         You start to prefer cold showers
·         You haven’t worn socks in over a month
·         You actually like the smell of BO
·         Deodorant is an optional thing to adorn
·         Instead of buying new golf clubs you spend your money on Artemisinin
·         You know how to spell Artemisinin (spell-checker saved me on that last line)
·         You enjoy making phone calls to Africa, cell to cell, only understanding 3% of the conversation
·         You spend your free time doing things like what I’m doing right now
·         You have at least one tattoo of something African
·         You believe that black people in Africa are better than black people in the States (that’ll raise some eyebrows)
·         You try to hang around black people in the States, just because they’re black
·         You actually become racist toward white people (another eyebrow raiser)
·         Your car CD player has a “learn to speak Swahili” disc in it
·         You know how to spell Mizuri, Habari and Kumbya
·         You actually enjoy living off of cliff bars for part of your summer
·         You develop the habit of carrying wet-ones everywhere you go
·         Filth becomes a relative term
·         You think that Nogales Mexico is pretty darned civilized
·         256K baud rate is ok
·         You start to consider buying property in Africa
·         You actually look for foods containing high amounts of fat and sodium
·         Goat meat tastes like chicken
·         Chicken meat tastes like steaks
·         You learn how to live on eating only potatoes for each meal
·         Being clean becomes optional
·         You’ve actually eaten some sugar cane
·         You wear at least 5 pieces of African jewelry
·         You shave your head so lice can’t make permanent homes on your scalp
·         People criticize you for ‘not helping the poor people here in the good ole US of A’
·         Some of your family members view you as ‘over the top with this Africa thing’
·         You stop wearing a watch
·         When you speak in a group meeting, you stand up
·         You understand how a malaria net can catch fish
·         You realize that the word ‘malaria’ should not be in upper case
·         You say the word “yes,” very slowly as people are speaking to you
·         Someone in Africa gives you a sweet potato as a gift
·         You make people sick because of your passion about Africa (like I’m doing right now)
·         People avoid being around you because all that you talk about is Africa
·         You have some Swahili in your signature line on your emails


You know you’re not an A-Freak when,
·         You think that African Bags is  a cover up front for a pimping operation
·         You still believe that the word Negro is an appropriate way of addressing black people
·         You acknowledge that “there will be Negros in heaven”
·         You believe that Mzee (pronounced Moe Zay) is something that you eat for dessert
·         You mention that some of your best friends are Negroes
·         You think Mizuri is a state in America
·         You think Habari is a type of portable grill
·         You hate the song Kumbya
·         You think that Africa has wild animals roaming around everywhere
·         You think Entebbe is a type of dope like Sesimia
·         You think ONE “is the loneliest number”
·         You think Bono is pronounced BOE NO or Boner
·         You think social injustice is about cutting in line at the checkout lane
·         You call The States, ‘America’
·         You have never heard the term A-Freak
·         You think the HIV Aids pandemic will ‘fix itself’ through the process  of natural selection and survival of the fittest
·         You think the HIV Aids pandemic is God’s way of punishing gay people
·         You think a 501c3 is a type of Levi jeans
·         You think the word Bhati is a term for a hot chick
·         You have a bumper sticker that says, “Live in Wyoming, Fish in Wyoming”
·         You think Kiswahili is the Swahili that is indigenous to some Florida Island chain
·         You take personal offense of this email
·         You think Dr. Martin Luther King was a historical figure in the Protestant Reformation
·         You think that Nelson Mandela is a type of head lock in wrestling
·         You think that Barack Obama is somehow related to Osama Ben Laden
·         You haven’t gotten this far in this email and have deleted by now
·         You somehow think that Rwanda and Uganda are the same

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